Decoding Wedding Gift Etiquette: How much should you give?
Weddings should be happy, but deciding how much to give as a gift can be stressful. The lack of a universally accepted standard gift amount adds to this anxiety. If there was a standard, not everyone could afford to meet it when invited to a wedding. Still, there's a desire to convey excitement for the couple without appearing stingy.
So, how much should one give as a wedding gift?
One traditional guideline that some guests find useful is the "cover-your-plate" rule. This suggests that the value of your gift should be at least equal to what the couple spent on your wedding meal.
However, what if the couple splurged on an extravagant feast at a high-priced venue? Should you feel obligated to match their expenditure? Conversely, if the couple opts for a modest celebration, does that mean you should give a smaller gift?
Couples often keep the cost of their wedding per person private. This makes it difficult to determine an appropriate amount to spend on a gift.
Fortunately, the decision on how much to give at a wedding ultimately lies with you. A common starting point is around $100 per guest, according to Brides.com. From there, consider various factors to determine whether to adjust this amount higher or lower.
Considerations of Time and Location
Where the wedding is held can influence how much you should give as a gift. A $100-per-person gift might be considered generous in one region but relatively modest in another. If you don't know how much to spend on a wedding gift, ask locals or check online forums for guidance.
It's not just the city hosting the event that matters; the venue itself is important too. An elegant hotel ballroom may warrant a more substantial gift than a backyard reception at a relative's home. While the "cover-your-plate" guideline isn't strictly enforced, it's thoughtful to consider the effort and expense the couple is putting into hosting you when determining your gift amount.
Additionally, the timing of the wedding can also influence the appropriate gift amount. For example, a luxurious Saturday evening affair might call for a more substantial gift than a casual Sunday brunch celebration.
Considering Your Relationship with the Couple
Giving the average cost of a wedding gift might not feel appropriate for your best friend of 15 years. Likewise, if your partner's coworker invites you at the last minute to meet a minimum guest number, the typical amount might exceed your comfort level.
The location of the couple's residence can affect the amount you spend on a gift for them. However, the most crucial factor in determining the gift amount is your relationship with them. The closer your relationship, the more you may feel inclined to give.
Your Existing Celebration Expenses
Are you hosting the bridal shower? Traveling across the country (or the world) for their party? Renting a designer tuxedo because the soon-to-be-newlyweds are fashion enthusiasts? Paying a steep nightly fee to stay at a remote mountain hotel?
These costs can impact the amount you can spend on a wedding gift. They might decrease your total budget for the event. Generally, the more you're already spending to attend, the less you might allocate for the wedding present.
Cash vs. Physical Gift
The couple may not realize if you used a coupon code to get a discount on a gift from their registry. They are aware of the value of everything listed. Thus, you might be able to spend less if you choose a tangible present.
Similarly, guests might feel inclined to give more when giving cash. Seeing the amount spelled out in a check or printed on bills might encourage generosity.
Reciprocity
If this happy couple attended your wedding, a good rule of thumb for figuring out your gift is to remember what they gave you. Think about inflation and if a lot of time has passed since the celebrations. Also, consider if their financial situation was different. This can give you a good idea of an appropriate wedding gift amount.
Attending the Wedding or Not
If you decline the invitation, there's less pressure to give as much. Etiquette experts suggest that if you can't afford a gift and you opt out of the celebration, sending a card is sufficient—as long as you RSVP by the deadline, so the couple doesn't incur costs for your attendance.
However, going beyond just a card to celebrate the couple is considerate. Consider giving a small wedding registry item or contributing to their honeymoon or house fund.
Your Financial Capability
Lastly, consider your budget when determining a wedding gift amount. If you're unable or unwilling to spend money, think about offering your time instead.
Can you help plan their honeymoon? Operate a photo or video booth during the reception? Bake treats for guests to take home as favors?
Bottom Line
If you are short on time or money and not very close to the couple, it's fine to skip the event. You can simply send a heartfelt card to congratulate them. If you have a strong relationship with the couple and skipping their wedding feels wrong, consider being honest about your situation. True friends will understand and still want you to be part of their special day—regardless of your gift.
Sources:
https://www.fidelity.com/learning-center/smart-money/how-much-to-give-at-a-wedding
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